Stars Are Silent
by Sogni D'oro Nadia
Summary: This starts where The Host ends - with a kiss in the dark. It continues to explore the beautiful new beginning between Ian and Wanda after they kiss in the game room. Both Jared and Melanie bring complexity to the story but nothing is meant to be out of character. Intended for mature audiences as there are lots of lemons.
1. Chapter 1

_This first chapter is separate from the others. I almost hate to post it as it may understandably frustrate some readers but it does help set up the subsequent chapters. I promise if you stick through it, there will be lots of sweetness, love, and fun between Ian and Wanda. _

_After finishing The Host, I was most perplexed by Jared's character. I wanted a better glimpse of the Jared that Melanie knew. I had a difficult time accepting that he was so adaptable and willing to do what had to be done in any situation, and yet would also sit idly by as he watched a relationship grow between Ian and Wanda. After doc promised to give up on the soul removal experiments, I think Jared would have come around to the realization that it was possible Wanda would always be there. If he wanted to be with Mel, he had to accept Wanda with the package. What other option was there? He loved Mel intensely and would not have been ok with her hand in Ian's. Of course he understood that it was Wanda's choice but he learned in the book that Melanie feels what Wanda feels. Any and every touch is felt by the both of them. I feel Jared would have adapted. _

_This chapter takes place after the seeker has been caught and Wanda and Jared leave to gather some cryotanks. For the sake of it fitting better into the established story, the reader should assume the cryotanks are only for the removal of the seeker. Wanda's decision to leave Mel will be made the next day as a result of this night. The following takes place after Wanda fell asleep in Jared's arms. _

Top of Form

Jared's family

A soft pressure on my bare shoulder brought consciousness to me sometime in the middle of the night. I opened my eyes slowly and could still feel Jared curled against me. His warm breaths were not the normal slow and heavy pattern of his sleep. That's when I felt his fingers lightly trail across my upper back from one shoulder to the other. I held still, pretending not to have woken. Would he still touch me if he knew I wasn't asleep? Was Melanie awake and how long could I let this go on before her anger turned to violence? She was very still and quiet, remembering the many other nights Jared had difficulty sleeping. I learned there were many times when he would awake her this way. They were some of her most tender and guarded memories which I now knew.

His gentle touch returned slowly back across my bare skin leaving sensuous burns within. "I miss you," he whispered barely audible.

He wasn't talking to me.

Usually I would have felt disappointed that it was again only Melanie he wanted but this time it felt right. I shouldn't continue to hope when there was none. That fact didn't stop Melanie's ache from becoming my ache. It was a physical inevitability.

Yet, I also felt his touch and heard his words. I could feel his breath across my skin. The memories of his touch were mine as well. I tried not to want Jared. I didn't want Melanie's anger. He was hers and she was his. I understood that but the understanding didn't stop the desperate way I wanted him to continue touching me. Or us. I thought I might go insane.

"My world came crashing down around me when I thought you were gone." Melanie was alert and listening now. "I didn't know how to go on... But then I realized I had to for Jamie's sake. He couldn't lose both of us. So I made myself find this place and these people. I did it for him. During the day, I forced myself to get up and contribute to the group. I vowed not to let you and Jamie down. ...The nights were altogether something else." His voice trailed off in the still night air as he wrapped his arms around us and held us close, burying his face in our hair.

Surely by now he knew we were awake and listening. I didn't turn around. It would be my eyes he would see in the moonlight, not the ones he longed for. Unlike before, Melanie wasn't angry that he was touching me. She knew he was trying to touch her. His admission of grief was a weight to us both. Jared so rarely showed any sign of weakness or doubt. His vulnerability struck us to our core. She longed desperately to wrap her arms around him but I didn't dare move. I didn't want to be between them. I was a wall obstructing their intimacy.

He inhaled once before continuing, his breath now against our neck. "I'd lie awake at night and mourn to hold you in my arms again. I'd drown in my memories of nights past knowing I'd never have you with me again." There was a long pause as his breath wavered. Silent tears began to roll down our face. "I begged, pleaded, and prayed to anyone in the universe that was able to give me just one endless night to have you back in my arms. I promised I would never let you go."

He gently pressed his lips to our shoulder as his hand trailed down our arm in slow patterns.

It was silent for a few minutes as he remembered. He laughed one hard laugh and went on. "Then you came back to me. Only now... I don't know what to do. You won't let me touch you and I understand, but it doesn't stop the empty ache in my arms every time I lie awake at night. I see your face and yet you want me to pretend it's not yours. I'm not allowed to touch it. I'll hear your voice as I'm about to enter a room and my body physically responds to quicken my steps as if it forgot the rules you've set in place. I yearn for your laughter. It's a cruel twist of fate to have you always so close and I can't feel your skin under my fingers." He ran his touch down the middle of our back and over our thigh. "I long for you now more than when I thought you were gone. To have you so close yet out of reach and forbidden takes every bit of restraint I can gather. I want you back here." He tightened his arms around us again and gave us another soft kiss under our ear. "I need you more than this place needs the rain. I need you Melanie."

His fingers found their way up our arm and gently cupped the side of our face. He wiped away the tears on our cheek as a soft sob found its way between our lips.

"You're still here Melanie. And this is your body. I know because you gave it to me and we shared it for years. I know every line and curve of it as well as my own. I know the way it smells and how it tastes. I know how it feels against my skin and how it reacts to my touch." He brushed our hair back and gently kissed the place where our neck met our shoulder which caused a quiet sigh to escape from within. With every touch, a greater desire formed in the pit of our stomach. The need was desperate. "I know...it's not just us now but, this body still belongs to us. I know it every time I look at you from across a room and see you respond to me. You are still mine. I don't see any other reason why you would have come back to me. And I will forever be yours. Please don't keep me away. What other option is left for us now?"

Melanie's thoughts were barely comprehendible.

_"This is more than I can bear. Please touch him for me. Please,"_ she pleaded.

Hearing his pain was unbearable for us both. I closed my eyes, the eyes he didn't want to see. The eyes I didn't want him to see. I turned to face him, twisting our fingers into his hair. I'd seen it a thousand times in her memories and felt every desire. Her desire was my own desperate desire. My need was doubled because it was matched with hers. This body always responded to Jared whether Melanie or I tried to resist. The irony in the moment did not escape me. Not only was I sharing this body with her but it did in fact belong to a third person. Rather than feel disappointed, I realized with every touch and taste of him, he belonged to this body. Every touch was a relief for some unknown, invisible ache that I carried. I didn't lose myself to a third being; rather I gained a new completeness. I lost myself with him. And it didn't matter when he whispered Melanie's name at one point when our lips were apart. In fact, it felt overwhelmingly right.

Afterwards, as we laid in his arms and our heavy breaths began to slow, he whispered, "I love you," into her ear quietly and leaned over to kiss her lovingly again. I could no longer tolerate not gazing at his beautiful face. Melanie too yearned to see him. Slowly, I opened my eyes for the first time to meet his. I could see a slight widening of his eyes in response to the moonlight which certainly reflected silver in mine. His breathing hitched just slightly as a slow blush colored his face as would be expected if someone just realized their most intimate moments and baring of their self had been witnessed. With his desperate need sated, the complexity of the situation was apparent. A small crease formed on his forehead before he hid his face in our hair holding us close.

I started to untangled our naked bodies but he pulled us closer.

"Please don't take her away yet."

So I held him again burying our face in his chest. I silently cursed the eyes that gave away the truth. I didn't look up for several minutes but he began to slowly run his hand through our hair and absently twist the ends loosely around his finger before letting each lock fall gently against our bare back. Melanie remembered him always doing this and realized how much she missed it. This closeness to Jared was a breath of fresh air to her. For the first time in the past year, she felt as close to normal as she could.

It was also the most I had felt like an unwanted invader. I couldn't stop the silent tears that began to fall to his chest.

"No," he murmured and pulled us back to lie beside him. "Open your eyes," he was speaking softly but different this time. No longer whispering.

I sniffed quietly trying to gather my emotions before looking at him and seeing the evidence on his face which I already knew. I ached to never see his rejection and wished at that moment to disappear somewhere very far away. Another sob broke through.

"Shhh," We felt a gentle kiss on our forehead. "Please don't cry. Please open your eyes, Wanderer."

The shock of him using my name had them open immediately. He was propped up on one elbow looking down at me. A slow smile spread on his lips. Lips that I couldn't forget had just been on my skin. Or rather Melanie's skin. He brushed the tears from my face before gently running the back of his hand down my cheek to my jawline. Again he spoke to me with soft words rather than whispers and it was evident that this was his way of differentiating between Melanie and me.

"Thank you," he said fervently. "Thank you for bringing her back to me. There aren't words to describe the gratitude I have for that." He continued to brush the hair from my face and caress my cheek. "I love Melanie, she is my everything. But you are precious to me now too. You carry her with you. You love what she loves. You love because she loves. We are a unique...type of family now. You asked me to kiss you when you thought she was gone because you were afraid to lose her. I'm afraid to lose her. Don't you see? Our love for her, her love for us, it binds us together now. I've experienced she won't let me touch her because she is afraid I'll have the wrong intentions. She also wouldn't let me have this if she knew your intentions were against her. I looked at that seeker back there and realized how lucky we are to have you, Wanderer. For Melanie, for this..." he pulled me against him. "Thank you." He leaned down and kissed me once gently. It wasn't with the tender passion he had kissed Melanie and we both recognized it but for once, I felt loved too. And she was ok with that...almost.


	2. Chapter 2

_Now the story begins after Ian and Wanda had that hot kiss the first night in the game room. I originally wrote this for myself to explore their intimacy and their beautiful new beginning. I simply wasn't ready for their story to end. It wasn't until later I learned about this website and that there are many others who also wanted more Ian and Wanda. I have immensely enjoyed reading so many of the other stories and creative viewpoints I thought I would share mine as well. I hope you enjoy! _

The Rainstorm  
  
His mouth against my mouth was a so much more than merely a relief from the weeks of uncertainty and longing. It was the physical affirmation of our love we both gave one another and it felt incredible. I wanted it to never stop. I wanted more. His hand cradled my face offering our kiss some cover; still, we tried to be very discreet given the very public sleeping arrangements. We scarcely moved anything but our mouths. His soft lips moved against mine with a growing need for more too. When his tongue sought mine, my hands twisted in the fabric of his shirt, pulling me closer. My feet began to rub against one another. My breathing was becoming shallower.

Ian broke his mouth away and whispered in my ear. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

I nodded my head and I felt his smile against my cheek.

"C'mon." His hand wrapped around mine and he pulled me up with him. As quietly as possible, we stepped around the other mattresses using the very dim light from the small lantern safely illuminating the exit. I couldn't bear to look up to see if anyone noticed our departure. I tried to reassure myself that Ian leading me somewhere by my hand was completely normal. His hand was often in mine. Hopefully they just assumed I was thirsty or something.

Once in the black solitude of the tunnel, everyone else faded away. It was just us. As usual, I had to take two steps for every one of his but I tried to stay close to his side. My hand curled more into his as he led me away from the South room and toward the sound of the rain pouring into an open room ahead. Once the darkness started to fade, he turned to see my face. His excited eyes searched my face momentarily before a slow smile of fascination spread across his. I could feel I wore the same expression. I reached to wrap my arms around his neck and he bent down to lower his mouth to mine. His strong arms wrapped around me.

Here we could kiss freely without an audience. Privately. Our mouths, our hands, our bodies were free to fully explore each other. And there was so much of him. It felt like his two hands easily enveloped most of my back while I wondered at the broad expanse of just his strong shoulders. My mind remembered some of this as pure instinct. My hands moved lower to slide under his soft faded t-shirt in search of his warm skin. Other parts were all new because this was Ian. I wanted to know him in this way. I needed to know him in this way.

The sound of shuffling footsteps approaching brought the reality that we weren't the only two people who existed. He raised his finger to my lips and pulled me quickly away. The room directly in front of us had rain pouring in but off to the right was a short corridor to the dry kitchen. He ushered me through the dining area and around the corner into a storage area.

We laughed silently as we heard the person enter the kitchen and pour a glass of water from the pitcher that was always left available and then leave. He moved to brush my hair back.

"Do you want to go back?"

"Not yet if you don't mind." I felt my cheeks warm as I looked down fleetingly.

"Don't mind at all." His eyes scanned the shelf above my head. "I have an idea. Would you like to go someplace that's dry and we can be alone there?"

"That sounds ideal."

He reached up to turn on one of the solar powered lanterns that now were available since I had been able to shop at outdoor stores. He grabbed two sleeping pads and handed one to me. He tucked a blanket and sleeping pad under his arm and grabbed the lantern in one hand and my hand in the other.

"This way then."

He led me down the tunnel I could have found my way through in the dark as it led to the storage room and my first sleeping accommodations. Halfway there however he turned down one of the many corridors on the left. I had never been this way before. The corridor eventually narrowed to a point where Ian had to duck his head for a portion. Then we entered a small open cavern that appeared to end but it had a small stream trickling through along the side.

"We can't store anything in this room because of the humidity from the stream so it sits unused. I've slept here a few times if Kyle's snoring was too much or I just wanted to be alone. You have to watch for the occasional drop of moisture from the ceiling but I found the driest spot is right over there." He pointed to the place in the back. "Is this ok?"

I swallowed. "This is nice." The circumstances suddenly felt more formal than a runaway kiss.

He laughed nervously and let go of my hand as he reached for the sleeping pad in my other arm. He laid out the pads and covered them with a blanket in what I assumed was the driest spot. The floor overall seemed fairly dry to me.

He turned the lantern down so it scarcely lit the space and sat in the middle of the blanket.

"Come sit with me." He held his open hand up.

I wasn't quite sure why my legs suddenly felt like they were welded to the floor. Everything from my stomach below felt nervous and cold while my heart swelled and warmth flooded my arms as they longed to be around him.

"We can go back whenever you want." He raised his shoulders. "I just thought it was a good place, without an audience".

I noticed his hesitation on his last words and wondered if I detected a subtle blush in his smile.

Knowing Ian was perhaps nervous as well gave the courage to go to him without hesitation. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me tight.

"Every day I've wanted to hold you in my arms."

It was almost a tangible pain knowing he had wanted to hold me but it didn't happen due to a misunderstanding. I looked up into his piercing blue eyes. "I love you with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my body." I felt the profound truth of each word course through me. I needed him to know it as well. There wasn't any confusion. "I am yours."

With a quiet groan that twisted a knot in my stomach his mouth found mine. He laid me on my back and leaned over me, kissing me deeply.

He pulled his mouth away so that our noses were still touching. Then his mouth brushed back and forth along my cheek until he pulled back to look at me.

"Really mine?" He asked astounded.

I giggled. "Yes. Every bit."

With enthusiasm, his mouth devoured mine again until we were both breathing heavy. As his lips moved to my throat, my hands once again sought the warmth of his skin under his shirt. I slid them up his back until his shirt was up at his shoulders. He quickly sat up and pulled it over his head, dropping it to the side then brought his mouth back to my skin.

My hands ran across his bare back and he shuddered when I happened to pull my nails gently upward. With a groan he pulled back. He straightened his arms and rolled to his side breathing heavily.

I opened my eyes confused. "What's wrong?"

"I'm rushing you. I'm sorry. I need a minute to calm down."

I leaned over and gently kissed his heaving chest. "You've done the opposite of rush me. You've waited and waited so patiently. I'm ready to be yours, Ian, in every way." Timidly, I ran my hand from his chest to his face and then through his soft hair. "I want you to be mine too."

He turned to me and gently traced his fingers down my arm. "I am yours."

I spoke my confession slowly, just above a whisper. "I want you to be mine in every way."

He leaned above me so I was lying on my back again and searched my face for a long time.

"Do you know what it is you're asking?" His voice was gentle.

"I do." I tried to hold his gaze. I knew the blush and my body's urge to avert my eyes would not help my case.

"I was prepared for many things, one of which was if things went in my favor, would be to take it slow. Here you are asking what you're asking and looking at me that way. I swear I'd give you anything you wanted." He closed his eyes and took an unsteady breath. "I'm concerned you are asking for this possibly because you think it's what you are supposed to do or more because you think it's what I want than it being what you want. Please know I will be patient. You are too significant to me."

I thought for a minute. As I became lost in my favorite cerulean blue I easily found my courage and words there. "Thank you for valuing me that way. I'm not saying I'm ready because of an obligation." I placed my hand against the soft stubble of his cheek which I had always wanted to feel. "I'm ready because when you kiss me, I want so much more. I'm ready because I've felt the bonds of that kind of relationship. They weren't mine but I know that's what I want with you."

Ian continued searching for an elusive answer in my face. He gently tilted my chin up and then slowly ran his fingers down my neck, down my chest and to my stomach. My eyes closed momentarily as my body arched and I caught my breath. I saw a decision made in his eyes as they turned from contemplative to tender. It was subtle but his breaths quickened to match mine. He found his answer in my willing body, something that wasn't there until now.

He leaned down to kiss me again but it was more controlled or possibly more determined. I wasn't sure which. I only knew he no longer seemed to be in a hurry which was even better than the hungry kisses from before. His kiss deepened. His touch lingered. He was more loving and my body responded accordingly. Every touch was etched into my skin, its memory recorded there in my cells. I was his blank canvas and everywhere he touched came alive with fire. I was consumed with burning desire and he was the careful deliberate artist. It was maddening. I tried to shake his concentration just a little. I ran my nails lightly across his back again. He shuddered and paused, closing his eyes until I stopped. Then he continued his worship of my body.

He slowly pulled my camisole above my head and his attention moved to my chest. My hands ran through his hair as he touched me in new ways. I could smell his scent mixed in with the soap from his evening bath. He was awakening parts of my new body that had never known such sensations. His mouth and tongue sought my skin as his soft hair brushed against my chin.

His mouth on my breasts sent waves of pleasure out in every direction of my body but they all eventually collected lower in a growing ache. When his hand travelled to my thigh and moved my knee away from the other, I could no longer focus on anything besides where he touched me. His mouth came back to mine as his hand slid slowly up the inside of my leg and on top of my shorts. My breath stopped again and my back arched as his hand reached between my legs and found the source of my ache. A small moan sounded from my mouth as he caressed me expertly.

He rested his forehead against mine, his breath soft against my face as he ran his hand back up my leg again, inside my shorts and moved my underwear aside. He sunk his finger into me and his steady resolve faltered. His soft groan that I could hear mixed with my own nearly had me feverish.

I no longer formally controlled my body. It responded only to him. My breathing, the sounds from my mouth, the way my back arched, the way my fingers clutched for purchase on his shoulders. He knew where and how to touch me. He would touch me exactly how I wanted a moment after I realized I wanted it. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness, I marveled how he knew my body so much better than I did.

Without rush, he pulled the rest of my clothes off and the realization that I was there naked and vulnerable with him was startling. Then he removed his shorts and I forgot all about it. He was beautiful, strong, and aggressive. His form was captivating. I was sure nothing was more beautiful than Ian and I wanted to know every part of him. I wanted his skin on mine. His body on mine. He moved in between my legs and leaned down to kiss me again. As his mouth found mine, I pulled him closer. I could feel him where his finger had just been - him hard against my soft. I clutched him to me, both nervous and desperate to have him. I needed him. I never needed anything before this. He was heavy there but he didn't press forward into me. I didn't understand his delay but it was causing havoc to my body.

A whimper escaped from my mouth and he slowly began to press into me, parting me around him. It was an instant relief for my desperate desire. As he pushed in further, stretching me apart, my body started to revolt against the brutal invasion. I cried out and gasped. It felt as if I was being split in two. I cried out again and my back was off the mat.

Ian stopped moving.

"Breathe, Wanda," I heard his soft voice. "You've tensed your entire body. Try to relax." I felt him kiss my face.

_Breathe_. I gasped.

_Breathe again_. I tried not to gasp.

_Keep breathing_. I focused on slowing each breath. As I gradually gained control, I felt each muscle slowly unclench down my body. My hands untwisted the blanket that moments ago it desperately grasped as they needed something to attempt to pull myself away from the pain.

What was wrong with this body? Melanie had never associated pain with sex. The thought that I could never have Ian in that way had tears beginning to fill my eyes.

"Why does it hurt?" I whispered feeling betrayed by my body.

Ian was looking down at me concerned. "It only hurts the very first time. I'm so sorry. I promise it gets so much better." His hand was against my face with his thumb lightly tracing softly along my cheek.

Already it felt less of an invasion having him there. I even began to feel an echo of the desire that wanted him there in the first place.

"We're past the difficult part but I can stop any time you want me to." He looked at me like he yearned to take my pain away.

I took more calming breaths as I felt the tears slip from my eyes.

He started to pull back but I clutched him tighter, wrapping my legs around him. "Please stay." The thought of him leaving me was so much worse than the pain.

When I clutched him I had pulled him deeper and it began to build a slow ache for more. I did what he said and tried to relax and not tense my body. He was correct of course. By tensing, my body was working against him. When I relaxed, I opened up to him. I raised my hips against his and his eyes closed as he sunk in further. His mouth found mine as he pushed in more and I stretched to take him all in. We both sounded our relief. I could feel his shoulders relax as his steady resolve waivered.

_Ian is inside of me._

That thought brought me immense pleasure. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. The fading pain was overwhelmed by my deep love for him. We were no longer separate but one together and I could feel what he felt and know his thoughts. It was as if we could unlock mysterious truths. It almost seemed like we were both souls in one body, fluid rather than static. He raised his head to look at me.

He slowly pulled back and I missed every inch of him. He fulfilled my need by sinking back into me again. My hips moved to meet him and his mouth came down on mine. I found I longed for the invasion that hurt just moments before. I needed to feel him stretching me around him. It told me that he was inside of me. And that was beautiful.

We continued to lose ourselves together. His pace changed from slow and long to deeper and deeper. Whichever arm wasn't holding his weight over me, the other hand never left my skin. It ran through my hair, caressed my face gently, or grasped my thigh. At one point, I noticed a slight sheen of perspiration on our bodies. My body was leaving my control again, spinning off to some place unknown. It needed only him and he gave himself to it. Every frantic need was met and then replaced by a much greater one. My breaths were rapid and I could feel a building sensation. Each time he pushed into me, was better. Finally it was more than my body could endure and it released its last hold of control. I cried out as I shuddered under him.

He desperately pushed in twice before his entire body tensed. He gripped me tight as his own gorgeous groans from his loss of control sounded in my ear. He lost himself deep inside me. At that moment he wasn't my strong protector. I felt his passionate need for me and I held it close to my heart.

After our breaths slowed, he leaned up to put his lips softly against mine as he pulled himself from my body. My body quivered at the loss and I already missed him there. He rolled to his side and held me.


	3. Chapter 3

Reassurances

We were lying in each other's arms. I tenderly traced the features of his face and neck while moving down to the curves of the muscles in his shoulder and chest. There were so many textures to my Ian; from his soft hair, the bristle of stubble on his cheek, his perfect lips, the smooth skin on his shoulders and back, to the small amount of wiry hair that was in the center of his chest. All the while, he gently ran his fingers along my back and arms, occasionally running his hand down the line of my thigh as my leg was wrapped around him. I was sure no two beings ever adored each other more than that moment. I was mesmerized by him, completely lost. Our love felt both new and ancient at the same time. We were gentle but the feeling was overwhelming.

We hadn't spoken for a long time and the only sounds to be heard were our breathing and the sound of the nearby stream. He leaned over to kiss the prominent freckle on my shoulder.

"Do you like my new body?" I whispered unable to look up to meet his eyes. It felt like a question I should not ask but I couldn't hold it in any longer. Weeks of wondering had reached a limit.

He was quiet for a long moment so I raised my eyes to see his expression. He was smiling and softly traced my profile from my temple down my side, over my hip and followed my leg wrapped around him to my ankle.

His silence unnerved me so I felt the need to explain further. "I'm so thankful to have another chance at this life that I feel terrible for even worrying about something that should be inconsequential. I know there's nothing I can do about it therefore it shouldn't matter. "

"You know, most of us feel that way too. There's only so much we can do with the body we are born with as well."

"From my experience with two different ones, I now appreciate the very real difference a body makes to other humans. People treat me differently even though I'm the same inside. I do the same things."

"It's not exactly fair is it? I think most of us try to rise above shallow appearances to judge people by their character but we usually fall far short of that goal. I'm happy to see people treat you the way you deserved all along." He kissed the tip of my nose.

I thought for a minute. "Well, that's why I wonder what you think of me now. It seems most people treat me...like a little sister, I think. It doesn't really bother me except, when it comes to you." I lowered my voice to almost a whisper. "I don't want you to see me in that way."

He laughed quietly before tilting my chin up so he could look into my eyes. "Is that what you're worried about? If I'm attracted to this body?"

He waited for an answer so I nodded, embarrassed.

He brushed my hair back and placed his large hand against my cheek. "Here I've been feeling guilty because I do feel differently." He exhaled one long breath. "I've been trying to rationalize that you are the same so the packaging shouldn't matter but the honest answer is yes. I'm very, VERY attracted to your body. It's taken a tremendous effort to keep my hands off of you and give you time."

A slow smile started to spread across my face as I looked up at him. "You are?"

"Very much so. I'm surprised you can doubt that after what just happened." He raised his eyebrows at me.

"I thought maybe you were still attracted to the person you knew me to be even though I'm not fully what you were initially attracted to." His eyebrows drew together in confusion. "For instance, I feel so helpless in this body. I'm not strong. I can't work as hard, and I certainly can't challenge you in soccer now. You seemed to have fun that day."

"You weren't very much of a challenge then either," he teased and leaned in to kiss me. "And I should probably confess about that day. I had an ulterior motive."

"You did?"

His mouth twisted in a way that made him looked guilty. "Yes. I could see Melanie really didn't trust me around you much. I could also see how her frustration became somewhat your frustration. She was beginning to feel like my opposition and I didn't want that. Jamie had mentioned how he and Mel used to play soccer often. So, I was hoping to make her happy, thereby making you happy and hopefully get her to like me a little more. Or dislike me a little less. That way I could have more time with YOU. I played soccer with Mel keeping you in mind as the prize."

I thought back to that day trying to view it in that perspective.

"You worried before if I saw you in a sisterly way. If I had a sister, I imagine she would be a lot like Kyle and me. She would be tall like Mel, and tough and stubborn like Mel. She probably would be good at soccer like Mel. Those are sisterly things to me. You," he ran his fingertips slowly down the side of my face, neck and then chest. "You are nothing like what my sister would be. You are soft and gentle. You are kind and thoughtful. You are the most unselfish being I've ever met. And you're wrong, you may not be tough - which I prefer and I'll explain in a moment - but you are remarkably strong. I'm constantly awed by your strength. You came here like a lamb into a lion's den. I was one of those that found you barely alive after you had braved that desert to find what you were looking for. I watched you work harder than everyone here just to earn their trust, even when most of those people hated you. Time and time again, you push yourself far beyond your physical capabilities. Selfishly, I'm relieved you are less tough so those limits are not as extreme. I worry less. The fact that most of the others are now treating you like you always deserved is also a weight off my shoulders. I have more people on my side that want to look out for you rather than oppose you. I don't see how I could have asked for the situation to have worked out better for me."

It was difficult to fully take in everything he had said. I didn't feel worthy of such high praise but it filled my chest with warmth because it came from Ian, the one whose opinion meant the most to me.

He must have been able to see I was thinking over everything because he added, "Let me be clear about one thing. I am so very much in love with you, body and soul. I think I've made my point now and before about how attractive the soul part is. About your body," He supported his weight on top of me and leaned down to run his lips up my throat, across my jaw and over to my mouth. "I feel insanely fortunate." He brushed his lips back and forth across mine twice before he kissed me slowly. "If the decision had been mine, I would have felt too selfish if I had chosen a body such as this for my own. Jamie thinks you look like an angel but I think you look more like a goddess. As it is, I'll owe Jamie forever for his exquisite taste. I just can't tell him because of all the things I want to do with every inch of your body."

His words were like fire under my skin. My breathing had quickly accelerated. How did his mere words have such an effect on me?

His lips trailed down to my chest and abdomen. "This is all very exceptional." His mouth paused and he turned his head slightly to the side as if an idea had just occurred to him. "Well, every bit I've seen so far is exquisite. I can't give my full opinion just yet."

I already felt exposed lying beneath him in the dim light from the lantern without any clothes.

He smiled slyly. "Now, I'd love to see this gorgeous back that I've only been able to imagine until now. If you turn over, I'll give you my complete assessment".

I could feel the warmth on my face increase but I obediently rolled to my stomach.

"Mmmmm, even better than I imagined. You have a very beautiful back." He ran his hand up from my waist and across my shoulders slowly lowering himself on me. His warm breath was soft on the back of my neck as he gathered my hair up. He trailed his finger up the faint scar on the back of my neck. "This is my favorite part though. It's what makes this body significant to me because I know you're right here." I felt his lips softly press on the back of my neck.

His words moved me profoundly. He truly did understand the complex difference between me and the body I used. I marveled at how he loved me so perfectly.

My hands moved to entwine my fingers with both his hand in my hair and the other supporting his weight over me. I turned my head to find his lips and he kissed me.

"I'm learning my second favorite thing about your body is how it responds to me." He moved the hand that was in my hair and slid it down my side, over the curve of my thigh and down the inside of my leg. Without a conscious effort to do so, my knee bent to pull my leg to the side, allowing him to settle in between. "I no longer take that for granted," he whispered in my ear.

A slow burning hunger caused my hips to instinctually tilt back.

He slowly slid himself back inside me. "You are exquisite," he breathed. 


	4. Chapter 4

Confession

After he had shown me just how much of an affect my body had on him, he held me from behind. His arms wrapped around me, holding me tight against his chest, as we curled up on our sides.

I suddenly couldn't help but be reminded of another time when I laid in a man's naked embrace this way. I tried to banish the memory. I don't know if it was because I was tired or all the overwhelming emotions of the night but I felt little control over them now. Tears started to swell in my eyes. I wished that other night had never happened, that I didn't have that in my past. I felt guilty that Ian didn't know and how could I tell him now. But how could I not tell him? I tried desperately not to sniffle as my nose began to run. I didn't want this moment to be ruined with my past. The tears betrayed me as they fell from my eyes onto Ian's arm.

"Hey, what's the matter?" He asked gently and turned me to face him. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," I finally sniffed now that my emotions were exposed. "I love you so much, Ian."

"I love you too." He brushed away the tears on my cheek. "Why are you sad?"

"I have to tell you something but I don't want to tell you. I don't want to be dishonest with you." I took a breath to help calm my shaking voice. "That wasn't the first time I ever did that."

He nodded, thinking. "It wasn't my first time either." The corner of his mouth turned up in a way to try to reassure me.

I had not expected him to take that argument. "But, I didn't think it was. And you might be under the misconception that it was my first time. I mean, it is the first time for this body obviously but there was one other time."

"You don't owe me an explanation. We all come with a past." He wrapped me into his arms. "Ours is more unusual than most."

"I just wish this had been my first time. This was amazing...and beautiful... and special. That other time was nothing like this. It was...very sad."

"Was it," he took a breath, "after you came here?"

I noted he couldn't say Jared's name although it was understood. I couldn't see his expression as my face was buried in his chest but I nodded my confession. "At the time, I wished there had been any way that I wasn't there."

His hands clenched against my back. "Was it against your will?" His voice was strained.

I felt the sudden need to argue their case. "No, no. It wasn't like that. That's not what I meant." I felt his hands loosen and he took a deep breath. "They are a family, Mel and Jared. I had wished I hadn't been there because I was keeping that family apart. They were both miserably sad and alone because of my presence. Everyone was trying to figure out the best way to go on under the circumstances. I tried to give them back to each other. I tried not to be present. He wasn't with me that night. He was talking to her. I was just the one... in the way, unfortunately."

He began running his hands through my hair but didn't say anything.

"I remember afterwards wondering where you were at that moment. Mel said we couldn't lie in the arms of one man and want to hold the hand of another. She said we couldn't have you both. It wasn't fair to either one of you. She wouldn't want me to admit this but, in her way, she cared for you too. She didn't want to hurt you either. I know you think she was constantly opposing you but that wasn't always the case. Maybe your soccer strategy had worked."

He laughed once but it didn't sound very happy. It was still a relief to hear. I had been too much of a coward to see the pain I suspected was in his expression.

I didn't tell him that Melanie actually worried how my growing affection towards Ian could eventually affect her. She tried not to let even me know the gnawing fear that, the way her emotions had changed me, mine could possibly one day and to a lesser extent change her.

"It was at that moment I wished I could physically let Jared have Melanie while I could sit somewhere else and be in your company. I couldn't give you up or keep them apart. It was the next day that I realized I had to leave Mel."

It was quiet for a while as he continued to rub my head. He leaned down to kiss the top of it.

"I'm sorry." Fresh tears started to form in my eyes. "I'm sorry I have that in my past. I'm sorry for ruining this perfect night."

"Hey," He pulled me back to again wipe my tears gently away. "You did not ruin anything. Thank you for explaining everything to me. I know that wasn't easy. Please don't apologize. The way it sounds to me, I am the first person to make love to you."

That brought on another fresh round of tears. "Yes, that is true."

"And it was amazing, and beautiful, and special." He echoed my words and leaned down to kiss me.

"It definitely was." I sniffed when he pulled his mouth away from mine.

"I think so too. I don't want it to be sad now. The past has brought us here." He held me closer. "There's nowhere else I'd want to be."

He leaned over me and kissed my tears then pulled back to gaze into my eyes. Looking into his tender but brilliant blue eyes caused a small smile to play at the corner of my mouth.

"I will kiss every part of you until you're no longer sad. I will do it. And kissing those parts... How should I phrase this?" He leaned down and kissed my neck and collar bones. "Kissing you all over will make me want to do amazing and special things with you again."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around him to embrace him. While his words sent waves of desire through my stomach, I didn't think my emotions or body could last through a third session. As it was, it felt like I no longer had solid bones in my form.

He kissed me once, satisfied to hear me laugh and then laid down next to me smiling. "Can I ask you something? I'm very curious now."

"Sure."

"You said besides now, there was only the one other time. And you've mentioned before you had never found any one to love. What about when you were a bear or a bat?"

I laughed. "You know, you sometimes remind me of a bear."

"Is that good or bad?"

His look of concern had me laughing again.

"The ways you remind me of them are always good." I leaned over and kissed his chest. "To answer your question, no other planet I've been to uses intercourse for reproduction."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Do any of them have it for non-reproductive purposes? Maybe as entertainment or a cure for boredom?" He teased dismissively. "Or for those that did find someone to love?"

"No, just Earth. For instance, there was only one gender with the bats."

"So you lived thousands of years without sex?" He leaned back to stare at the ceiling trying to fully grasp that concept. "It was probably a good idea we didn't wait any longer."

I laughed as I wrapped myself closer to him. "That it most definitely was."

"Once the secret was out, there was no hope for Earth." He teased again. "How do the bears reproduce? And how are those that love one another intimate?"

After hours more of talking, kissing, laughing, and adoring one another, we eventually fell asleep, lovingly wrapped in each other's arms. 


	5. Chapter 5

Trying To Adapt

We were in the dining area eating lunch, well immersed in our own small bubble of bliss when Jared and Melanie entered with their meal. Having shown no hint of anger, I was caught off guard when Ian's eyes tightened and his fists clenched. He stood abruptly and pointed at Jared.

"Stay the hell away from me, Howe," he threatened and continued to stare challengingly.

Jared's surprise quickly turned to confusion as he scanned the room for some kind of explanation. He was met with equally startled faces until his eyes found their way to me. I wished I could stop the blush that stained my face before I lowered my head. Jared's resigned sigh had me peek back up to understand the prolonged silence. His head bowed once with shrew acknowledgment as he reached down for Mel's hand to guide her back into the hall without saying a word.

Ignoring all the eyes in the room that were now eager for information, Ian exhaled and sat back down. Without meeting my gaze, he reached across the table for my hand and lightly trailed his fingers across the back of it. "Sorry," he muttered barely loud enough for me to hear. He picked up my hand and raised it to his lips to kiss it as if it were made of delicate glass.

Kyle was sitting nearby. "What the hell was that about? You two still haven't worked it out yet?"

"Stay out of it Kyle." Ian growled.

He shrugged uninterested and went back to finishing his sandwich.

I tried to hide the embarrassment of knowing I was the cause of the disturbance. Maybe it had been wrong to say anything last night. Jared and Ian were usually quite close these days, working past their differences caused when I had showed up. He and Mel often sat with us at meals. I felt awful causing friction between the ones I loved but couldn't address it with Ian so publicly.

He finally raised his eyes to mine and wore an expression similar to a guilty child before giving me a mischievous smile.

We didn't see Jared or Melanie at dinner or any time in the halls between the main garden or waiting a turn to wash away the day's work in the pools.

We had just come from the hospital to both pick up my clothes and some birth control. Thankfully, Doc had still been at dinner and Candy was the only one there. The souls had easily improved birth control so it no longer worked as the humans were accustomed to. Men or women could take it by simply placing a tissue square in their mouth. For men it would last a week and for women, it lasted not only a week afterwards but also prevented any pregnancies from two days prior. Once the group had adjusted to this knowledge, she said it was almost funny how many would end up in her office with worried faces. It was the one medicine of the souls which people were worried to put their trust in but out of necessity, they tried. It had become increasingly difficult to find the old methods in abandoned places.

Of course I had no problem accepting the effectiveness of the soul's medicine. Candy gave us the standard small container and it made me blush thinking about how many weeks ahead were covered.

We held hands walking back to what would soon be our room in order to drop off the items. It had been a hot and clear afternoon allowing the caves to begin to dry although the rooms were still not sleepable.

Any furniture that had been in the rooms was now in the covered corridor. Ian's dresser was beside the red and gray doors. As he placed my small stack of clothes and hairbrush into the top drawer, Mel stepped out from behind her green screen. Dust from the day's work still clung to her clothes and skin.

Before either of us could speak she looked to me. It was clear she was uncomfortable which wasn't an expression Mel normally wore. "Wanda, can I speak with Ian for a minute?"

"Of course, Mel." I felt his grip tighten on my hand. There weren't many times he released me today and I could tell he wasn't happy to now.

I turned to him to give him a quick kiss. "I'll wait for you at the stream. Please be nice," I whispered.

He took a deep breath. "I'll be there shortly."

I looked back towards her when I was about to turn out of the corridor. She tried to raise the corner of her mouth in a reassuring smile but I was suddenly not convinced. She clearly felt a responsibility to be there. Sometimes it was as if I still had her in my head; I understood so easily what she was thinking. It pained me to see her conflicted. 

"Can we speak more privately?" Mel asked.

Without a word, Ian pulled the red door aside and walked in where his bed normally was placed. When Malanie had put the door back in place, he turned to address her. "I'm pissed at you too Mel."

"I gathered as much. Please don't be angry with Wanda."

He turned to face her. "I'm not."

"Jared and I have felt awful having this secret from you but it wasn't ours to tell. Can I explain?"

"Actually, if I have to hear how you two are the victims in all this again I might just lose my mind. Of course, Wanda already defended you both fervently. I don't think she even realizes how fucked up that was. I just... I can't even believe..."

"Ian, everyone involved has been injured during the crazy circumstances we were trying to live with. We all have very valid reasons to be angry. Hell, you wondered if it wouldn't have been better if I had faded out of existence. You also held a tribunal intending to keep me hostage in my own body." Her resolve strengthened with each new point.

He met her eyes before staring stubbornly away again.

"And how many times did you kiss my body against my permission?"

Ian was uncomfortable as he tried not to imagine Mel's presence during those kisses he shared with Wanda. It had been easier before he had ever known Mel or heard her speak to just accept her as a package with the woman he was falling in love with. As he had done for weeks now, he tried to edit those memories and reimagine them with Wanda's new body. And those had been only kisses.

"It's not even close to the same thing and you know it."

"True, but I also know if I wasn't the determined person I am, it's quite possible there would have been more. Right?" She paused for an answer she knew she would not receive. "Stop kidding yourself with the holier than thou act. If, say, a year or so had passed and you had your way, it could have been different... where Jared would have some similar, arguably more legitimate reasons to be very angry with you right now. Can you imagine if circumstances had been just a little different?"

There was a long silence as she let him consider her implications. Only his short, temper filled breaths were audible.

"Dammit," Ian ran his hand through his hair in frustration as he admitted the truth to himself. "You're right." He grumbled as leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor.

"I know. I also know that doesn't make it much easier to accept." She sighed. "If any of us had the slightest notion that everything would work out to the ideal way it is now, we would have acted differently. But... I don't know. Maybe it had to get as desperate as it did for us to find the answer."

Melanie sank to the floor on the opposite wall. "Please don't hold this against Jared for long. He won't say so but he feels awful enough as it is. I know he feels like in a moment of weakness, he betrayed all three of us. You're the closest one he's had to a friend in years. And out of this whole thing, I kind of feel like I gained an overly protective big brother. I know it wasn't necessarily for me but I literally owe you my life many times over. Jared and I could never fully express how thankful we are."

Ian was quiet for a few minutes mulling over Wanda's words from the night before. It was more complicated for Mel than she would openly admit. "Just give me a day or two for reason to fully sink in. I know you're right."

"Ok, we'll sleep somewhere other than the game room."

"We won't be in the game room tonight, so no worries."

Ian tried to keep his tone expressionless but Melanie detected an undercurrent of satisfaction with that statement. She tried not to show the smile she was holding back as she had noticed they didn't returned last night after sneaking out shortly after lights out. Seeing their happiness brought her such joy.

"Thanks for hearing me out, Ian." She looked down at the dirt ground into her hands. "I should probably go clean up. Plus, by now Jared has suspected where I am. He didn't want me to intervene so I'm going to have to talk to him now too." She sighed, exasperated.

She got up and dusted herself off.

"Mel, I'm sorry for before. You deserved an apology a long time ago. Many apologies actually. Wanda is right; we were all trying to find a new normal within extraordinary circumstances. I'm sorry to have wronged you in the ways that I did." He snorted. "Jared too, but that's as close to an apology that little ..." Ian took a breath to regain composure. "That's all he is getting from me."

"Fair enough. And thank you, Ian. That means a lot to me." She smiled and then looked around the room. "It's strange being in here without Wanda. Sometimes I really miss her." Mel looked down at Ian for a moment and allowed herself to remember things from when Wanda was still with her that she normally tried to forget. "It's such a comfort to me to know she's so well loved. Nite." Mel turned to leave because she didn't want to dwell on those old memories for long.

"'Nite Mel."

Melanie left quietly, replacing the red door as Ian still sat against the wall.

-

I waited for Ian in the small room with the stream. There wasn't enough to keep my mind busy. I had picked up a fully charged lantern from the storage room. I laid out the sleeping pads we had stashed there in the morning along with our pillows I had collected from the game room. That had been uncomfortable. Thankfully no one asked and I didn't look up to give anyone the opportunity. Most people were still moving about the separate rooms before settling in for the night so I hoped I wasn't paid too much attention. I made sure Jamie wasn't around since I wasn't prepared to answer those questions.

As I sat waiting, a drop of moisture fell from the ceiling and landed on my foot. I watched it roll down to my toes and thought it strange it was the first I had noticed since Ian brought me here last night. I lifted the lantern to get a better look at the ceiling and all the other future drops forming.

"Hey there, gorgeous," he walked straight over to the made up beds where I sat with my arms wrapped around my knees. He slipped off his shoes before stepping onto the bedding and wrapped his arms around me.

"Is everything alright?" I searched his face for any sign of the frustration that it wore when I had left the sleeping corridor.

He brought his hand to my face to lightly brush my cheek as he searched for the words. "Mel just talked some sense into me."

"You're not angry anymore?"

"I'm working on it." He breathed out. "Right now I'm not angry at all. I have you to myself again. I waited all day for this moment." His mouth hungrily found mine.

All day had felt like a never ending test of endurance. Ian was never far from me. He would steal a soft kiss if no one was looking or be content to hold my hand or lightly rub my back if anyone was. I blushed every time I thought of our love and the incredible way he made me feel the night before. I could think of little else. Every minute I longed for his arms wrapped around me, his breath on my skin, his lips on mine, his body against mine. I couldn't get close enough to the scent of him. I wanted his whisper in my ear. It was as if I had been holding my breath under water and now I was finally breaking through the surface, filling my lungs with relief.

My hands pulled myself closer to him and he leaned back on the mat. His hands softly twisted in my hair as he held up my curls from our faces. His kiss slowed as the need from being apart eased.

As he moved over me, I pulled his shirt off without hesitation and he did the same for me. Some of what came next was familiar to me. The way his kiss ignited every part of my body with burning desire. The amazing feeling of his hands on my skin. The satisfaction of having him so close, he was all I smelled, all I tasted. Unlike the night before, I wasn't as shy with the actions we had already done. I anticipated and yearned for them. That was, until his hips pressed against mine and my body slightly winced from the pain I had forgot existed earlier.

Ian moved back to look at me with a tender, concerned expression. "You're sore. I should have realized. I'm sorry." He brushed the hair back from my flushed face and smiled. "I'll behave myself."

Was he seriously going to stop? "No, Ian. Please. It doesn't hurt." I didn't realize the lie until it was already out.

He chuckled to himself always able to see right through me. He raised one devious eyebrow as he slowly pushed his hips against mine again though just lightly compared to the first time. "It doesn't?"

I could feel his hard desire under his clothes and my head angled up as my back arched. "It feels much more good than bad." I searched for the right words as I pulled myself up to reach my lips against his. "Um, can we try, just maybe gently?"

"Yes, we can do that. I know something even better we can try first that won't hurt at all." He kissed me as his hand ran down my side in between my legs. "Will you let me kiss you here?"

There wasn't anything I hadn't enjoyed his mouth on but it still was a surprise to me. As long as he was offering something other than waiting, I was willing to trust him. And I was also extremely curious by what he meant. "Yes."

His mouth moved leisurely down my body but it was hard to concentrate as I knew its final destination. He was careful not to press against me again even though I had moved against him as his mouth found my breasts. He slowly pulled the rest of my clothes off and a look of raw anticipation came into his eyes. He started with a kiss on the inside of my knee while he moved it to the side before working his way higher. The stubble of his chin contrasted with his soft lips and tongue against my tender skin.

Apparently either Melanie kept some secrets from me or there were some amazing things she didn't know about. I assumed it was the former since she understandably tried to guard most of her intimate memories from me.

I had been shocked last night by how expertly he had touched me with his hand. He unquestionably knew how to make me feel even better with his mouth. I felt nothing but intense pleasure that compounded until I knew exactly what was happening to my body. The feeling continued to build until it could go no higher and I cried out, reaching for Ian in order to hold him tight.

At that very moment, he slid inside me and I was promptly overwhelmed. There was no pain, only an increasing need to climb back up to some unknown edge and jump off. Ian was careful to be gentle with me but I really didn't feel the pain anymore. It wasn't long until we were both grasping each other in relief.

When his breath slowed, he gently pressed his lips to mine as he began to pull away from me. I wasn't ready to be without him inside me yet. There was something comforting or safe with him there. I wrapped my legs around him and protested. He obliged my unspoken request and stayed. His arm curled around my back and pulled me with him as he laid back on the mat. On top of his chest, I curled around him as I slowly drifted off to sleep. The last thing I noticed was him leaning over to turn off the lantern before I felt his lips press into my hair. 


	6. Chapter 6

Exploring The Depths Of Passion

Normally when I wake up my mind opens my eyes and a moment later begins to wake the rest of my body with movement and stretching. This was nothing like that.

My mind was deep in sleep when it felt consciousness pulling it awake. Slow movements and an extreme fullness had an excitement coursing through my body that my mind was unable to fully comprehend. I was disoriented but knew whatever was happening was something very good. A faint sound acted like a point which my whirling mind could cling to for coherence. There was someone else with me and I could hear their breaths. The sensation moved again and my mind once again was like a boat tossed on a stormy sea as its hold was lost to another overwhelming tide of pleasure. I struggled to open my eyes but it made no difference as I only saw darkness. Then I heard Ian groan again and I suddenly knew exactly where I was.

I was on top of Ian as he was slowly moving under me, gliding inside me. His arms were lightly around me and his shallow breaths and quiet incoherent groans made me realize my rough sleeper wasn't awake. My mind was too tired and aroused to make a decision about how to proceed. _Shouldn't I wake him?_ My body would not agree with anything beyond responding to his. His movements were increasing as his groans were becoming less foggy. His grip tightened as he pushed deep into me. A cry of pleasure escaped from my mouth and sounded in the room. Ian's movements stopped as his breathing paused momentarily before our bodies resumed their previous rhythm of their own will. He spoke my name like it was his point to hold onto reality. The next word he whispered in exasperation was one I hadn't heard exit his mouth before. I never would have imagined it could sound so erotic. He brought my mouth to his and kissed me as deeply as he was moving in and out of me.

The other times we had been together, Ian had been controlled and attentive. This time was different. Incredibly, it was even better. He was finally just as lost as I was to the waves of pleasure rolling through our bodies. With both our minds barely awake, the rest took over. His hands guided my hips and at one point I sat up to move better against him which felt amazingly deeper. From his sounds in the darkness, he enjoyed that too. He later sat up in order to kiss me and our bodies moved in ways I didn't understand. There was so much I realized I needed to learn but that thought was soon pushed aside.

Time meant very little and it felt like we were lost in each other for an eternity until we were both completely and utterly satisfied.

"Are you tired?" I whispered. We had quietly held each other without speaking, languidly touching the other. I had no idea what time it was other than very late in the night.

"I'm relaxed. I'm completely in awe of the affects you have on me. I'm certain I've discovered the very best way to wake up is buried inside of you." He grasped the thigh of my leg I had wrapped around him. "But tired I am not. How about you?"

His comments brought both a big smile to my face and an intense blush to my cheeks. "I'm not tired either." It was the only thing I had courage enough to respond with. "I was wondering if you weren't tired if you would tell me one of your stories."

He laughed quietly. "Why do you like my stories so much?"

"You're a good story teller. Plus, I like to hear about when you were little. You talk about it almost like it was another life time."

"It feels like it was a different life time." He was quiet for a moment. "What kind of a story would you like to hear?"

I thought through all his stories about Kyle, their horses, the farm, and their mother. "I don't think you've ever mentioned your father. Do you have a story about him?"

His hand paused mid stroke up my back. "Yes, I do have a story about him but it's not a pleasant one. Can I tell you that one some other time?"

"I'm sorry". Out of habit, I leaned up to see the sadness in his eyes that I could hear in his voice but there was nothing but blackness. "You don't have to ever tell it to me."

He leaned over and switched on the light.

"I want you to know that story. I think it will help you better understand Kyle. And probably me too." He placed his hand gently against my face and leaned up to kiss my forehead. "But right now, I want to bring you nothing but happiness."

He laid back and then smiled. "Have I told you about the time Kyle almost burned down Mr. Schelner's barn and we both had to spend all summer rebuilding it? Mr. Schelner was Jodi's father," he explained.

I shook my head and propped my chin up on his chest in order to watch his expressions. Those were always my favorite parts of the story. The way the creases would form at the corner of his eyes when he was excited. How the right side of his smile always curved a little bit higher when he was just about to laugh. How his face turned gentle when he mentioned his mother. The way the light danced in his eyes whenever he would talk about riding his horse. I could tell exactly how much he liked someone by the degree of the brief slant of his mouth whenever he mentioned their name, the only exception being Kyle. Kyle's name was always spoken with the greatest slant and the flattest tone in his voice but his eyes always smiled. Half the time he would also shake his head or throw up his arms in exasperation as if there was nothing that could be done with Kyle. His expressions were indeed my favorite part.

We talked and laughed most of the night until again, falling asleep for what felt like a very brief amount of time before Ian's quiet watch alarm woke us up. The alarm was a necessity when you were in a cave and had no outside clues of the sun rising.

Ian grumbled in protest as I heard him reach for his watch. Without opening my eyes I reached out for him where he had sounded on my right. I found his chest and he pulled me to him. Both of us lay still for a while in the complete darkness, trying to ignore the fact that we had to get up.

He moved his mouth next to my ear and whispered sleepily, just above a breath, "I don't want to get up."

Thankfully my mouth was already near his ear and I didn't have to make any effort to move. "We have to," I quietly breathed.

"I want to stay here with you in my arms."

"Me too".

"When is your next day off?" He murmured.

"Tomorrow."

He was quiet for a moment. "I'll see if I can trade with Brandt."

"We'll sleep all day tomorrow?"

"Mm-hm."

I smiled at the thought.

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so very much."

I felt him smile and his hand that was resting on my head began slowly caressing my face.

I continued my thought, still with a quiet whisper. "These past two days with you have meant more to me than all of my very long existence."

I felt him smile again as his arms tightened around me. His lips found mine and he whispered against them, "You're still my very favorite person in the known universe."

I recalled he had said this to me the day we played soccer and it touched me to know that long ago he was telling me he loved me. I found the strength to open my eyes to the darkness.

"If you want to stay here and get some more sleep, I'll cover for you," he offered.

"Thank you but, I'm up."

"Good, because I'm starving." He sat up and switched on the light to find his clothes. I watched him dress and felt very special that what was under those clothes was reserved just for me.

He noticed me watching him and a devilish look spread across his face. "On second thought," He quickly pulled his shirt off and laid back down next to me. "They probably won't miss us this morning."

I had to move quickly to put my hands over his mouth before his lips could capture mine. "Ian," I laughed loudly. "We have to get up - no more kisses!"

His eyes narrowed at the challenge. He easily pulled my hands from his mouth and held them pinned to the ground.

"Your work ethic is disappointing this morning," he growled and moved to kiss me without obstruction.

"No," I laughed as I quickly turned my head and twisted my body away from him.

He was quicker and moved his mouth to mine.

It was difficult because I was laughing so hard but I tried to press my lips firmly together and give him no response as his lips tried to persuade mine. This was not an easy feat but I held fast.

"So that's how you're going to play it." He pulled back and eyed me speculatively. "Good move."

"Just because you're stronger doesn't mean you can always win." I challenged.

"Actually, I think that's exactly what it means. You're forgetting, at any time the stronger one has the use of tickling available in their arsenal. The weaker one, that would be you in this equation, will always lose if they try to employ that tactic."

"You would tickle me?" That stopped me from laughing. It was a memory of Melanie's I never understood. Pet's memory wasn't much help either. She was laughing in them but also not fond of the action.

He released my wrists and sat over me, all humor gone from his face too. "You've never been tickled," he guessed.

"I've seen it of course and it doesn't look cruel but I remember Mel hated it and associated a strong urge to fight with the word. It confuses me."

He shook his head slowly back and forth. "We've had sex a few times and yet you've never been tickled. I'm officially the worst boyfriend in the world."

He spoke as if I was missing out on a rite of passage. "Maybe it makes you the best boyfriend in the world. That's my opinion at least."

The corner of his mouth turned up as his mood began to lighten. "Nice try but you will be tickled. Immediately and without negotiation. Afterwards, I'll earn your kiss through less barbaric means."

He finally stopped after much pleading and struggling on my part to resist his hands. When I was able to catch my breath I was sure to give him my opinion. "I've been officially tickled now. It's not something that needs to happen again."

"I completely disagree." He laughed loudly.

I felt my mouth and forehead crease into a pout. "Please, let me up."

"Ok," he replied slowly. "But I am definitely NOT giving you your clothes without a kiss." He reached quickly for my pile of clothes and stashed them under himself smiling triumphantly.

I knew this was the playful teasing I had noticed so often with other couples, particularly between Mel and Jared. It went against my nature because you had to pretend to not want to give the other person what they wished and it often required bluffing. However, I had been able to pick up sarcasm which also went against my nature so I tested my abilities. I was having fun with him and I realized the teasing had an element to it that was profoundly intimate. Not only were there parts of his body that were just for me but there were also parts of his mind and character that he used only with me.

I worked to change my smile into a shrewd face but failed miserably. "You've tickled me and now you're not going to give me my clothes?" I verified.

"That's correct."

"Then you leave me no choice." I stood in front of him trying not to be overwhelmed by the urge to avert my eyes or blush. "I'll have to go all the way to your room to get some other ones."

"Our room," he corrected darkly, calling my bluff.

"Do you mind if I take the light?"

"Sure. If you think it's best to leave me here. With your clothes. In the dark. Without breakfast."

"It's not my first choice." I found elements of the truth made this easier. I picked up my sandals and the lantern and then slowly walked to the cavern's entrance. I tried to formulate my next maneuver but feared I was at a loss of options.

"You'd leave a man without the ability to get breakfast?" His question caused me to turn toward him. "So it's weakening your opponent with sustained hunger." He tried not to smile. "Another good move, Wanderer."

Again, I could barely keep the smile from my face but I didn't give up. Never letting my eyes leave his, I slowly lowered the lantern to the ground before turning. I was enjoying his playful game even if I knew there was no way I was going to walk out of here without clothes on. "I'll probably stop on my way for a quick bath this morning too."

"Wait," he called and stopped my exit. What was most unfair was the ways his eyes had turned dark and smoldering. "I'm certain our absence from the crowd has been noticed and people are always going to talk, but if you walk out there without any clothes, and especially with hair that says precisely what you were doing all night, you're going to leave nothing to the imagination."

I reached up and felt exactly how awful my hair must have looked.

"One kiss for each article of clothing?" He offered me an out mercifully although I realized he was still winning this challenge.

"One kiss each." I repeated the terms. "And will you help me fix my hair?"

"Of course. It's only fair since I messed it up." He grinned and raised his hand while beckoning me by curling his finger in. "Come back here my little minx."

I dropped my sandals and leapt back into his arms to gladly give payment for my clothes back. He laughed at my reaction and held me close. Of course he took advantage that I had not specified the length of those four kisses. But I didn't mind at all.

With the first one he quickly had me underneath him and the kiss was hungry, long and intense. My skin was soon burning under his hands. His lips didn't break away until he was deep within me and I was gasping from the sudden sensation.

"One," he breathed in my ear.

The second and third kisses were taken briefly during his passion.

This time again was different than the others. He had a desperate need for me that caused me to have a desperate longing to fulfill. It was as if Ian was the one on fire and I was his solace. Our bodies didn't move in gentle or adoring ways. They weren't loving, indulgent, or even lost. They were hungry. It wasn't very long before his hands wrapped tightly around me and he cried out.

He rested his forehead on my chest as his breathing slowed and I ran my fingers through his hair. He moved back up to look at my face, his brilliant eyes took my breath away they were so alive with the fire that had just consumed the rest of his body. "I saved the last kiss." He held my face gently. As he kissed me softly, he pulled out of me and I whimpered softly at the loss.

"I hate leaving you too," he whispered.

I pulled his face back and started to give him soft kisses on his mouth, face and throat. To be honest, I was still in awe of the depths of his passion.

"Mmmm, extras. You're generous this morning." He nuzzled his face against my neck.

"Apparently, I need to work on my bargaining skills."

"I very much look forward to the challenge, Wanderer." He leaned up to look at me with one eyebrow higher than the other and his devilish grin I was becoming more accustomed with. "It's a good thing we didn't fix your hair before the kisses."

"Indeed. You're feisty this morning," I exclaimed.

"No, I'm hopelessly in love with you." He started to run his fingers through the ends of my curls. "I never imagined it was possible to find this much happiness in these caves. I couldn't be happier right now."

His smile slowly turned higher on one side and his eyes narrowed. "Unless you have a stack of pancakes."

I shook my head. "Let's get you some breakfast already." 


	7. Chapter 7

Learning With Mel

Ian said he had some furniture moving with Kyle this morning since a few rooms were already dry and some chose to move their beds back to their room rather than remain in the game room until the end of the rains was more certain. If it decided to rain again the only hassle was moving a mattress so most chose to return to their caves when possible. I was excited because our cave was certainly dry which meant we would be sleeping on real mattresses this evening rather than thin sleeping pads. I smiled with contentment that Ian would have more room to sprawl out comfortably tonight without having to end up with an arm or leg on the bare cave floor.

Tonight would be the first official night in what would be our cave from now on. The excitement of having a place I truly belonged, that I could call mine, had me even more excited than I would have been already.

I wouldn't see Ian until lunch which was ideal because I needed to speak with Mel alone during our field work. I definitely had some questions about sexual relations and missed the days when Mel was right there in my head with answers. It was easier not to be embarrassed as much when I didn't have to actually speak the words out loud.

"Thank you for speaking with Ian last night. He said you helped bring him a better perspective."

"I actually had been prepared for needing that discussion. In the end, the whole thing went better than expected," she sighed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know he was going to be angry with you and Jared. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just wanted to be truthful with him. I thought he would only be disappointed with me."

Mel laughed. "Then you haven't been paying attention very well. He's never disappointed with you. And don't worry about it. Jared and I are relieved to put it all in the past." She took a long slow breath. "That was a very low point for us."

It was silent for a few minutes as we both plucked ripe zucchini from their vines. I needed to be brave for Ian.

"Mel, can I ask you about something... private?" I whispered as I peeked up at her.

She looked intrigued. "Of course. What is it?"

I took a breath to steady my shaking voice. "Well, I don't know... I want to be able to... " I was completely at a loss of how to ask for the information I needed.

"Wanda, you can ask me anything." She looked concerned.

"I was hoping you could explain to me... what things a girl can do... for a guy."

She tried not to laugh at me. "Are you trying to ask about sex?" she whispered barely above a breath.

I quickly started to organize the squash in the basket to all go the same direction as heat flooded my face. "Yes."

She looked around. "Let's finish this row and take the full baskets to the pantry."

Once there, she turned to me, "What specifically do you want to know about? I know you understand the basics. And you've witnessed most of my memories which is all I know really."

"Well, it seems like there might have been many things you successfully kept private. Plus, I try not to think about your memories. I feel like I would be stealing your history if I dredged them up or used them for my personal use."

She looked sincerely touched, "thanks."

"Ian makes me feel, amazing." I couldn't hide the glowing smile just thinking about how he made me feel the past two nights. "I'm so inexperienced. I hoped you could tell me the things that I should do to be... better."

A sly look came into her eye. "Ok, you want to know more about sex in order to make Ian happy?" she confirmed.

"Yes," I replied simply.

"Come with me; I have a plan." She grabbed my hand and guided me through the tunnels until we stood outside of Brandt and Aaron's room. She looked back down the hall. I started to get a worried feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

"Brandt? Aaron?" she called quietly. When there was no answer, she looked relieved which was even more confusing. "Wait here a minute."

She dashed behind the curtain and returned in less than a minute with a magazine rolled in her hand.

"Don't worry. I'm not stealing. I just want to show you some things and I'll put it back. I happened to see this once while asking Aaron a question and it's how many humans learned about sex."

I couldn't imagine how this magazine was going to help but I followed her out that corridor and into our own. She moved the green screen from her room and we quickly went inside.

Now that we were safely in her room I felt an unknown weight lift. I turned to her with a questioning look. It was as if she could still know my thoughts.

"Trust me; this is one time it's better to borrow without asking." She laughed. Mel laughed a lot these days. Sometimes it was as if she was a new person, she was so happy.

"Come sit down." She sat against the wall since the mattresses were still in the game room and her floor was still wet along the shadier end.

I sat next to her. Since I had been spending my nights in the hospital, I hadn't been down to the sleeping corridors often. The room felt the same as when I used to sleep there. It was odd how familiar it was yet it no longer was my own. Or really ever was.

She noticed me looking around. "Yeah, it was weird being in Ian's room alone for the first time last night."

I noticed she put the magazine face down on her other side away from me. "Ok, first. You phrased the question like you might have the impression that there are specific things you 'should' do. Every guy is different and likes different things. Some guys really like things that other guys most certainly do not. It's very confusing." She laughed. "Don't worry. It's just as confusing for them too.

"Some guys like a girl who knows and does very little. Kind of boring if you ask me. At the other end of the spectrum there are guys who like a girl who does weird things. I mean, things most people would find disturbing. The majority of guys fall somewhere in the middle. So with that in mind, I can tell you some things that I think most guys would like. I only know from movies I saw when I was younger or things I've overheard. I'm far from an expert on the subject." She rolled her eyes. "But I do remember how little you knew so I think I can help."

"Secondly, discovering what you both like is what every new couple goes through. It's fun. Ian is very intense and loves the hell out of you. You should talk to him. Ask him what he likes; what makes him feel good; what he wants to try. I mean, don't ask all those immediately or all at once, but you'll know when the time is right. It's special discovering how to make someone happy. He's probably just as worried about making you happy."

"I don't think that is the case. He definitely knows how to do that."

She laughed to herself. "Good for you." She raised her eyebrows in a way that made me feel like I said too much. "Well, believe it or not, I'm sure he wants to discover more ways to make you even happier. You guys have just got started."

"So, with all that in mind, it's easier for me to show you some things than describe them. And less embarrassing too." She turned away and started to flip through the magazine looking for something specific.

I tried not to be embarrassed as she showed me the images. It somewhat helped me overcome my shyness to think of it purely from an educational aspect. I was used to a learning environment although the subject was never one such as that.

She showed me things that I should definitely try and would most likely use often. I asked questions about those. She also noted I shouldn't try to make the faces the women made. It would be weird. The lacy garments were beautiful and I made a comment to discreetly acquire some on the next extended shopping trip. Mel said she'd like some too and used the opportunity to ask for lip gloss as well. Then she showed me a couple acts that were much more... surprising. She said they were optional but she didn't want me to be worried should they ever come up. It depended on the individuals. I didn't ask her experience on those and she also seemed shy to talk about them.

The most important thing she stressed was to ask Ian to show me or tell me what he liked.

My mind was swimming in thoughts as she closed the magazine. She said from what she could tell, there were a lot more adventurous things out there but they were well out of her experience. And she was ok with that.

"You look like you've just had you mind blown," she laughed. "Do you have any other questions?"

"I can't think of any."

"Well, you can always ask later." She put her arm around my shoulders. "I want to get this back in Aaron's room before lunch break."

"Why does Aaron keep the group's manual?"

She actually giggled and I couldn't help but join in. "It's not technically a manual. It's for his own... enjoyment. I forgot to mention that one." She explained briefly how that would work for both men and women. It made more sense as it had appeared a very unusual manual.

"Can you stay here for a minute while I run this back? We haven't had much of an opportunity to be alone this past week and I need to talk to you more about Ian."

"Of course," I responded slowly. I was concerned about the serious change in her tone. 


	8. Chapter 8

Immeasurable Love

She returned shortly and sat back against the wall. "I want to tell you a little more about what happened while you were sleeping in the tank because after you woke up in this fabulous new body, I couldn't figure out why you kept Ian at an arm's length. You two finally could be together. I wasn't sure if there was something in PET's past that we missed or if possibly I had been wrong and my old feelings were still confusing you. I knew with certainty that the distance wasn't Ian's choice. After watching you, I realized you were every bit in love with him that I had guessed, you were just being shy or polite or something. That's why I had Jared arrange for Jamie's new sleeping situation to try to give you two a little push. You and Ian are both too nice for your own good.

"I probably should have had this conversation with you earlier because I can see things are definitely headed in the right direction now but I remember how innocent you are about human relationships. I want to tell you that you don't have to be shy with Ian. He truly loves you." She paused to let the last statement settle in.

"It wasn't exactly shyness but...uncertainty." I responded. "I didn't know if he was attracted to me now or if he needed time to wrap his mind around all the changes. He fell in love with me when I looked like you."

"I wondered if it might have been something more than shyness. That's why I want to explain in better detail what happened when you were in the tank. I think it will help. It's not a happy memory but it's one of the few I possess that I feel belong more to you than me."

She took a deep breath before beginning.

"Telling Ian was awful. He thought I was you for one moment and then just knew without even looking into my eyes yet. It was as if someone had stolen all his strength. He bent over at the waist and staggered away from me. I had to reassure him you weren't on your way to another planet already. I also had to explain that you never planned on leaving." Melanie took a deep breath. "He took that one pretty hard. Once I brought him to the hospital. You should have seen him slowly reach for the tank. It was as if he were suddenly a shell of a man. He asked me if you were aware of anything while in there. He then asked how much of your memory was now with me."

My eyes were beginning to fill with tears as I thought about the pain I had caused Ian.

"We told Jamie and Jeb and word spread quickly. I assured them and all your friends that we were going to get you a new body and you'd be back soon. We had spent the day in the hospital. By evening, everything was actually getting quiet. Kyle again began one of his efforts trying to get Jodi to wake up. Something about the scene suddenly had Ian looking almost as lost as he did when he found out you were gone. He had barely kept it together during the day but I could tell his nerves were about to unravel. He said he couldn't be there and was taking you back to his room for the night. He stood and glanced down at Jared's arms around my waist. Then he asked Jamie if he wanted to keep you and him company for the night. He had a free bed in his room but didn't exactly feel like being alone, he said. It was obvious to me that Ian very much wanted to be alone but... He figured things out pretty quickly."

Mel reached down for my hand and held it before explaining further.

"I thought Ian would hate me. I thought he would hate Jared because he got the girl at Ian's expense. But here he was being generous to us by helping us be alone. He had already separated you from me."

I sat quietly awaiting more of the story.

"In the morning, I went to Ian's room to wake Jamie and bring Ian breakfast. I told you I would take care of him and I intended to keep that word. Ian looked like he had barely slept. And you know how that guy sleeps soundly! He didn't say anything to me or Jamie he just turned back to the wall, curled around your tank. Anyways as I was about to leave with Jamie he asked for one favor - if I could tell him immediately if Jodi wakes up. I went to go check for him and then returned with an update.

"I was starting to feel I was missing something that Ian wasn't telling me so I pushed him for answers. I sat on Kyle's bed and asked him what was going on. He admitted to feeling intensely conflicted. He loved Jodi like a sister and knew how much she meant to Kyle but if she came back, it could be the end of our hope for you. If after six years, Jodi was still there, then the likelihood was slim that we could find a body that you could have and not feel like an intruder in. Ian had realized the overall significance of Jodi's case. I tried to tell him it had already been two days so we had reason to hope for you. I could tell he wasn't ready to hope just yet. He said we weren't even sure if children could possibly still be there. He told me, 'If Jodi wakes up, you should put Wanda in me.'"

I gasped. "No."

"This is what I wanted you to know. The extent this man loves you."

I nodded as my tears began to fall to my lap.

"I tried to argue against him but he was actually starting to make some sense to me. You didn't want to leave this planet because your home was here with us but you didn't want to feel like an intruder fighting a body that didn't want you. I told him you definitely wouldn't want to take away his life but he insisted it wouldn't be like that. He would be the first willing host and you would be his welcomed guest. And he wasn't in love with anyone besides you so maybe it wouldn't be confusing for you.

"He began to ask many questions. He wanted to confirm again the depths of your feelings about him because he didn't want you to be unhappy in there. He worried at one point if afterwards he would suddenly develop a fondness for Jared." Mel laughed once and shook her head.

"I told him I didn't think so. I told him you initially loved Jared and Jamie because I loved them. Jamie later earned that love but Jared never did. I told him how you often wished you didn't feel anything towards Jared and even wondered how I could love him. He was after all, quite awful to you. I told Ian it was him who had fought for and earned your love.

"Ian was then more determined that your home should be with him if Jodi woke up. He knew everyone would be against him so he began gathering solid arguments such as Jeb's 'Your body, your decision' or even possible threats against doc for almost ending you."

"You know the rest. Once we realized Sunny was right and Jodi wasn't there to claim her body, we had hope for a better option." Melanie was quiet for a moment. "So you see, there's no uncertainty on Ian's part. That man was willing to give you his everything."

I nodded still staggered to hear the story. For a moment I wondered what it would have been like sharing a body and a beautiful mind with Ian, the man I loved who was gentle, intelligent, funny, and protective. While there was certainly no one I would rather have in my mind, he was also the last person I would ever want to take any small piece of life from. I would have been the one controlling him and I never would have wanted that. "Everything has turned out so much better than I could have even imagined. Thank you for not giving up on me."

"My pleasure. Ian's not the only one who loves you. We all do."

"You know I love you too. I'm so fortunate to have such an amazing new family." I wondered at my luck.

Mel checked her watch after a minute of thought. "Well we covered sex and love all in one morning. Our amazing family is probably wondering where we are by now. Dry your eyes so we don't alarm anyone."

As Mel and I walked into the dining area late for lunch, Ian rose from his seat to greet us. "I couldn't find you in the fields." He looked at the crimson quickly warming my cheeks. "Is everything alright?"

I reached for his hand and with a new found courage, I met his questioning eyes. For one moment, I imagined those beautiful eyes belonged to me in a different way; that I was looking through them rather than at them. I shook my head and tried not to laugh. It would have been a strange situation indeed bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase I'd heard, 'In love with yourself.'

Melanie quietly suppressed a laugh and we both turned to look at her - Ian confused and I embarrassed. It seemed my body was still going to respond in its usual way. I blushed and looked down as I remembered the instructional part of our morning.

"Everything's great, Ian." She turned to me and winked. Smiling conspiratorially, she walked over to Jared who already had her meal waiting for her at another table.

Ian looked down at me. "Is everything honestly ok?"

"It is."

Thankfully he could always tell if I lied so he accepted my answer. "Then I won't press the issue. If you want to talk about it later, I am curious."

"I promise to explain later." I reached up on my toes to give him what I realized later was our first public kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

Welcome Home

After dinner we walked hand in hand to our cave with the red and gray doors. It was still difficult for me to think of it as more than just Ian's cave. He pulled the red one back and held his hand out. "Welcome home. I wish I had so much more to offer you." He smiled down warmly. I glanced inside but didn't recognize it at first. Instead of a dresser along the back wall, there now was a queen sized mattress. At the foot of the bed was a small blue throw rug. Near the door was a tall dresser instead of the long low one that used to be in the room. On top was a small glass of water holding a desert flower the rains had brought in bloom.

"You've been busy today." I turned to face him.

"I had some trading to do." He reached down for my hand after replacing the door. "Let me give you the tour. Obviously, this is the foyer where we'll entertain guests and over here is the dressing room," he motioned toward the small dresser. "The top drawer is our library and storage for the hairbrush or anything else. You can have the next two drawers and I'll take the bottom two."

"I'm lower to the ground so I should take the bottom."

"Too late," he teased. "This wash basket is the... closet I suppose. And if you follow me down the extensive hallway," He pulled me two steps more. "You'll find the bedroom where all the sweet, sweet love will happen."

We both laughed. He leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips as he sat on the edge of the bed. He reached to undo the straps on my sandals and set them on the corner of the rug on the right. He put his flip flops on the opposite side next to his work boots. Then he pulled me down on the soft bed. He set my head down on one pillow and laid on his side next to me.

He reached to tuck my hair behind my ear and let his hand stay on the back of my neck. "I'm so happy you're here with me."

As my hands were folded in between our bodies I turned one to place on his chest. "No matter the location, where you are, there I will happily make my home." I moved to kiss him and he pulled me closer.

"You can barely keep your eyes open," he noted.

"We haven't had much sleep the last two nights." I smiled at the memories. "Let's just take a little rest."

"Sleep my love," he kissed me gently on my forehead.

I drifted off to sleep as I felt his arms also relax around me. 


	10. Chapter 10

A Better Perspective

I opened my eyes and first saw the ceiling above, the sky was still dark but a subtle glow from the moon brightened the room. I remembered this would be the first of many mornings when I would wake up here. My new home. I turned to look behind me, toward Ian. His arms were folded behind his head as he looked up at the night sky. He turned his head to check my movement.

"Good morning, beautiful. Why are you all the way over there?" He reached out for me and pulled me back in to where I remembered falling asleep.

"It must have been safer over there. You are a rough sleeper."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"What happened to your shirt?" I kissed his bare chest.

"I took it off because I'm also a hot sleeper. The two are related," he explained.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Not long."

"We fell asleep so early. What time is it?"

He reached behind him for his watch. "Almost four. I was able to switch with Brandt so I have the day off with you."

"What are we going to do with our day?"

"I'm open to suggestions but most of my ideas involve us staying in our new bed." His hand began lightly tracing down my back.

It took so little for him to cause my stomach to twist in a knot of desire. My lesson with Mel was now the only thing on my mind. I suddenly wanted nothing more than to give back to him; to attempt to make him feel even a fraction as good as he had made me feel. I was ready to learn more about my new life. I wanted to bring him pleasure.

I reached my arms around his neck and he conveniently pulled me on top of him. As his lips found mine, I tried to focus. It was easy for me to get lost in his rapt attention. I untwisted my fingers from his jet black hair and ran them down his face to his chest. I supported my weight as I pulled my lips away from his and down his throat.

"Mmmm," he muttered quietly fueling my need to please him. I gently kissed his strong chest before moving my hands down across the taught planes of his stomach. I could feel his desire hardening under my body and it pleased me to have another physical confirmation that I was doing something right. I wanted more but was nervous to do what I knew was my next move. I trailed my nails over his thigh, stalling.

I thought for a moment about Mel telling me I didn't need to be shy. Certainly Ian deserved so much more than just this small act that was making me nervous.

With that thought, I reached inside his shorts and wrapped my hand around him as I'd seen in the magazine. To my utter delight, he groaned underneath me. To my surprise, that sound rolled through every muscle of my body. I wanted more than to merely please him; I wanted to be his pleasure.

"Can you show me how to touch you? I don't know how but I want to learn."

He sat up and kissed me. His voice was low and his breath rough. "I should take my shorts off first."

_Remove his clothes first._ That made perfect sense and I should have thought to do that myself. Feeling slightly embarrassed and extremely nervous, I released him and sat next to him as he laid back to remove them. My eyes ran up his perfect body to his face. He was watching me, his eyes hungry. I knew it was silly but I needed to keep my clothes on for the moment. I already felt vulnerable enough.

"Come sit back on top of me."

I moved to where I had been as he watched me silently.

Leaning forward, I ran both hands slowly up his sides to his chest. His eyes closed as his hands ran up my arms into my hair. I explored the feel of his chest under my fingertips and watched my hands rise and fall at the rate his lungs filled with air. My hands moved lower to his abdomen and his muscles tensed at my touch. Slowly one of his hands traced down my arm until it covered mine. He moved my hand lower until it was upon him. I wrapped my fingers around him and his hand wrapped around mine.

I watched him bring my hand up and then back down again and again in a similar pattern. I noted at which points he changed the pressure or angle and where his wrist would turn for variation. I loved the feel of him in my hand. I looked up to his face and the amazing expression of his enjoyment. I watched his chest as his breaths increased. I suddenly felt strong. For the first time, I had some control. He was beautiful underneath me. I had the courage to place my other hand around the top portion and duplicate the movements. His mouth relaxed open as he sighed. It was amazing watching him respond to my touch. It was as if I was suddenly an addict and bringing Ian pleasure was my drug.

I remembered what Mel had told me guys really enjoyed. I still did not understand why this might work but, other than my hands, I only had so many options. Besides, I remembered how amazing he had made me feel the night before with only his mouth. Slowly, I lowered myself to put my lips around him. I was rewarded with a deep growl and pleased to know he liked it. He released my hand and ran both of his through my hair.

I hadn't expected it to be like this. The women in the magazine looked like servants but I felt nothing like that. I felt powerful. Ian was the strongest person I knew and with just my mouth and hands, his powerful body was moving underneath me. I could easily tell which movements he appreciated more. His breathing was shallower with each passing minute.

"Baby I'm close, so if you would rather I not finish in your mouth; it should be hands only from here."

Mel said I had choices at this point. I took him in my mouth deeper as I had a goal now. I wanted it. I wanted to bring him to that place.

His back arched and stiffened as a quiet groan filled my ears. I felt him pulse in my mouth and slowed my movements. He pulled me up to his chest and held me tight. His heart pounded in his chest below my ear.

When his breaths had slowed, he rolled me slowly onto my back and leaned down to kiss me. "I can taste where your mouth just was. Remembering you there drives me crazy." He looked like he wanted to devour my mouth.

"Was it ...good?" I used part of his line to question him.

"Very good. I think that was fairly evident." His finger lightly traced my lips. "That was unexpected. I'm curious as to what brought that on rather suddenly."

I looked up at him. "You've made me feel amazing these past nights. I'm so inexperienced I feel like it's not fair for you. So, yesterday I asked Mel to teach me what I should do."

"That's where you were in the morning? Now I understand your blush at lunch." He smiled and ran his hand along my face. "She told you to do that?"

"Not exactly. She showed me things from a magazine so I would know... what some of my options were."

His expression turned humorous. "Mel has a magazine?"

"No, she secretly borrowed one."

"Aaron's?"

I nodded my head and we both laughed.

"So you have options now?"

"Well, she said that, what I just did, were the most common things. She stressed that everyone's likes are different and it takes time to learn them. And, if I wanted to make you happy, I should talk to you to find out what you like."

He sighed. "You wanted to make me happy? You want to know what I like?"

"Yes."

He shook his head ever so slightly. "Do you remember me telling you I was patient and willing to take things slow?"

"I will always remember every detail about our first night together," I whispered.

A big smile formed on his face. "That still applies now. I know when you're ready; we will explore each other in many ways. But I want you to be ready." He continued to lightly caress my face. "I don't want you to worry that a difference in our experience level is somehow unfair for me. It's quite the contrary. I've never felt this way for someone before. It's changed everything."

"It has?"

He leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Yes."

The fact that maybe some of this was new to him was both significant and difficult to grasp.

"If we're going to take things slow, I'm assuming I'll learn along the way, right? Therefore, can you teach one more thing you like now?" I ran my nails lightly up his back and watched his eyes close. "I already know you like this."

"That I do."

"Tell me one more." I tried to move closer to him and persuade him with a kiss.

He laughed quietly as he saw the motivation behind my actions. "Hmmmm, this is like having to pick only one Christmas present to open." He tapped his finger to his lips as he thought. His devilish grin began to appear and I felt a slow blush warm my cheeks as I wondered what he was thinking. The way his eyes appraised me had me breathing faster. "Well, I know how you often put everyone else before yourself. What I want... No, actually, what I need is, with me, and especially in here, I need you to be my equal. I can't have you put yourself second. I want you to value yourself and your desires at least as much as mine. And one way I can trust you're doing that is for you to be able to tell me what you want, when you want it. I know it will take time but I'd like that very much." He searched my face for a reaction.

"But I don't know what I like. I don't have those kinds of experiences."

He smiled. "It's actually much simpler than that." He thought for a moment. "Can I show you what I want?"

I nodded, excited to learn more.

He trailed his hand down the center of my chest and watched my body respond to his touch, obviously pleased with the result.

"I'll need your clothes off for this. Can I take them off?"

"Yes," I whispered and sat up to pull my camisole off.

"Please allow me." He slowly pulled the rest of my clothes off, one piece at a time. Then he sat over me, my legs together between his. His eyes gazed down at me for a moment.

His face turned thoughtful. "There are rules for this lesson, two of them. First, I won't do anything you don't want me to do. If anything makes you uncomfortable, tell me to stop and I will. Can I trust you to tell me?"

I nodded slowly as I was beginning to get a little nervous.

"Don't worry, that is and always will be rule number one, ok?" He ran his fingers gently across my cheek.

I nodded again, less worried. "Ok." I should have known I could always trust Ian.

"For right now, the other rule is, I won't do anything you WANT me to do unless you tell me what it is."

"I don't understand."

"I think you'll catch on quickly."

Slowly, he ran his rough hands from my shoulders, down my arms until his hands found mine. He entwined his fingers with mine as he pulled our hands up and then over my head, holding them there. His face was inches from mine as he watched me for a moment.

"You are so amazingly beautiful," he whispered in my ear. Then he trailed his lips down the line of my neck and back up again. "Watching you over me earlier made me feel like the luckiest man alive." He ran his lips ever so lightly along my jawline to my other ear. "It was so damn sexy." He uttered as he took my ear lobe between his teeth.

Immediately his words had my body burning for him.

He brushed his nose across mine and then trailed his face lightly against my cheek. His breath softly blew on my flushed skin. He brushed his lips briefly across mine causing me to catch my breath. Then he brushed them across my lips again. As he was about to make another pass across my lips he stopped at the corner of my mouth. I turned my face towards his and he pulled his lips back and brought them to the other side of my mouth and moved slowly down my neck. His mouth eventually moved back up to almost touching mine. I leaned up to kiss him and he pulled back. My movements were limited by his hands that still held mine above my head.

His lips were at my ear immediately. "You have to tell me what you want," he whispered the reminder.

"Please kiss me, Ian" I begged.

Immediately his mouth was hard on mine, meeting my need. His tongue plunged in between my lips and didn't move away until I was gasping for air. Even then he did not let up. His passionate kisses trailed down my neck. They were hungry kisses like the morning before. He moved my hands so he now easily held both wrists with his one hand. With his free hand he ran his fingers down my sternum to my navel. He ran his hand back up my side and stopped just short of my breast. There his passion quieted and I was suddenly pulled conscious of his actions. My breath shuddered.

His finger lightly traced along the outside shape of one breast. His voice was low. "Do you want to know what I enjoyed most about what you just did with your mouth?" He then very slowly trailed his finger to follow the outline of my other breast.

"When I cautioned you that you were bringing me to the edge, I felt you groan around me. Knowing you were enjoying yourself brought me there so much sooner." He leaned up to kiss me slowly and passionately. The sudden change of pace had my body reeling.

He again returned to slowly and tortuously tracing the outside edge of my breasts with one gentle touch. "Since that moment, I've wanted to lose myself buried inside you." He rocked his hips forward causing my back to arch and a need so profound, it rose from my very core and sounded out my mouth.

"I enjoy being at your mercy just as much as I enjoy your body's responses to me." He bent down and softly blew his warm breath across my breast. I could feel his hair against my face as I tried to see how close his mouth was to my skin.

"But I need you to acknowledge your own desires. I'd like you to be brave enough to tell me you want something." He trailed his lips just above my skin over to my other breast and stopped where I could feel his breath just above. "Because there's nothing my body enjoys more than fulfilling your body's every desire."

He was driving me crazy. I wanted him to take it in his mouth.

"Please put your mouth on me."

"Where?"

A small grumble of frustration escaped from my mouth. "On my breast."

In an instant, his mouth was on me as his hand held my other breast firmly. Again my relief was instantaneous. He then took the other roughly in his mouth before he came back up to kiss me again passionately. I tried to move my hips against his but he was still sitting above me, essentially pinning me down. With both of my wrists still held, he ran his other hand down my side and in between my legs. He lifted his weight off my hips and moved to push my legs open which they willingly did and he settled in between them.

I couldn't think of anything else. I was beyond wanting. I was relieved his assault had moved lower, closer to my ache for him.

He guided himself in between me and moved to and fro between my legs.

"You're so very wet for me," he whispered. "It's one of the many ways your body tells me what it wants." He positioned himself to enter into me. I was desperate for him. He started to push into my resistance and then pulled back before any progress. I whimpered. My body was at his mercy. He slowly ran himself again in between my softness until he was back, aligned where I wanted him; where I desperately needed him. I tried to raise my hips to his but he held me down with his free hand as he pushed again into me, this time a bit further beginning to separate me around him and then pulled back.

The shock of him leaving me brought back the lesson he was showing me. He wanted me to speak the words. "Please Ian," was all I could focus enough to say.

He slowly positioned himself a third time. His breath was every bit as labored as mine. "I need you to tell me exactly what you want."

"I want to feel you inside of me." I could have shouted it. I don't remember because the instantaneous feeling of all of him sinking into me erased everything I had ever known. He in me was the only truth that ever existed. The sudden fullness stretching me around him was all that mattered any more. We both sounded our relief but I only heard his low groan. I opened my eyes disoriented by my lack of sound and realized his free hand was covering my mouth.

He leaned to my ear. "Shhh. Those gorgeous sounds are mine. I don't want them to reach anyone else's ears."

I suddenly remembered we were no longer in our own little world by the stream.

His lips found mine as he pulled slowly back and sank deep into me again. My mouth broke away, silently gasping. I struggled to move my hands which I recalled we're pinned above my head. "I want to touch you," I pleaded and he released my wrists. My arms wrapped around his broad back, pulling him closer.

"Thank you," he muttered. "I missed your touch."

I understood what it was he wanted; what he was trying to show me. He wanted to please me the same as I craved to make him feel. It brought us both immense pleasure to know what the other needed and to give it to them.

My body ached and hungered like I had never known. Being under him felt just as restraining as when he had held my wrists. I couldn't touch enough of him. I couldn't see enough of him. I couldn't move enough. Not like before when I had him in my hand; when I could touch his chest and watch his face. I decided to test my new boundaries. "Ian, I want you under me again."

I felt his face smile against mine. He pulled back and looked at me with both wonder and longing. "With pleasure." His hand moved down my thigh which was wrapped around him. "Straighten this leg." He rolled to his side pulling me on top of him while holding my hips. I couldn't explain why but it felt like he was so much deeper inside of me. Not that I could begin to understand how my body accommodated all of him. The feeling was amazing and instinct took over as I moved on top of him. Without him needing to support his weight, both of his hands were free to roam my body, grasp my breasts or hold my hips as he ground his forward.

We continued in an impassioned frenzy devouring each other's body until we were both satiated, twice for me, and panting for air. By that time I was lying face up on top of Ian, my back against his chest, and his arms were tightly wrapped around me. He had uttered words into my ear that I knew without a doubt would cause my stomach to twist in a knot of craving for days later whenever I would think of them.

How was it possible that each time was better than the last?

The intensity of my emotions for him was staggering. It was almost frightening to love this much. Never in all my years had I experienced anything even close. Needing to hold him back, I moved myself off of him and he kissed my neck as he left my body. It seemed he would always kiss me during that and I loved him all the more for it. I buried my face in his chest and wrapped myself around him as he did the same. 


	11. Chapter 11

Knowing Yourself

"I love you so very much, Ian O'Shea."

He leaned up to kiss the top of my head, one hand on my back pulling me closer while the other wrapped into my hair. "I love you, Wanderer."

Suddenly, hearing him speak the name I had been known as sounded wrong. "I don't think that's my name anymore..." I raised my head to look at him as I turned the name Wanda over in my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" He looked troubled.

"It doesn't sound right," I tried to explain. "When the Healer put me in Melanie, he told me that until I chose my name, they would call me Wanderer. I never changed it and it's obvious to me now it was because I already had Mel there. I couldn't find my own unique identity. Then Jeb started calling me Wanda and I didn't put any more effort into it. It's quite normal with each new life, for souls to choose a new name. It wasn't until just now I realized that even though I'm still on the same planet, I feel in some ways like a completely new person. Wanderer is part of my past. I literally wandered the galaxies and then through the desert to find the one place I belong but it no longer applies for this new life. I don't want to wander anywhere."

I looked up at the silent stars above me. I'd spent thousands of years travelling among them always wondering what else was out there. I was no longer curious.

Ian was slowly nodding his head trying to understand.

"Would that bother you if I had a different name?" I tried to imagine if Ian suddenly changed his name and how that would affect me.

"Not really. It would only be an adjustment on my part." He brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. "It makes sense. There were various cultures here on Earth that would choose a new name or be given one at significant life stages." He thought for a moment. "Do you pick out any name you want or is it more specific?"

"I know it already." I could feel my face beaming with enthusiasm to tell him and Ian was smiling in response. "The first part is Elysia. Its origin comes from your ancient Greeks which I had been studying about in San Diego. They used it to describe their blissful heaven but really, after their first human life was over, they believed 'heaven' was their final home. I've found my blissful home so I think it's fitting. "

"Elysia is a beautiful name and it works perfectly." He was looking at me with wonder in his eyes. "You realize Jeb will likely call you something shorter like Elsie or Elly. You might want to choose one before he gets the say."

"I don't mind whatever people decide to call me. They can still use Wanda if they prefer. What matters to me is the name I know is mine."

"You said Elysia was only the first part."

"Yes," I blushed suddenly anxious. "Souls usually choose names similar to those around them. You've probably already guessed the impact our surroundings have since we change every planet. Now, these are my people. I want my name to reflect that so I'd also like a surname."

"Do you have one in mind?"

"Yes...no..." He leveled his gaze to try to look into my eyes but I dropped my head. "I do but I'm not very familiar with the way one acquires it. Some souls came here as partners, others chose to stay with the partner of their human bodies. Those that meet here simply choose to become partners, possibly only for this planet, possibly for longer. There isn't a standard rule or pattern for names and partners with souls. I think for humans, it was more official before we came."

He thought over my words trying to decipher the meaning behind them. "Are you asking how couples here share a last name?"

I realized if I had thought this out I could have asked Mel without overstepping some socially accepted etiquette. "I wish I had my computer at home in order to research and better understand what was customary."

"Do you want my last name?" He asked slowly.

"Well, I don't have human parents to pass down a surname to me and I don't know of any from Pet's memory. I had the impression it wasn't unusual in this country for the female to take the name of the man she vowed to live the rest of her life with. Did I learn wrong?"

"No, that is correct." His full smile had returned to his face. He looked into my eyes with what looked like wonder and possibly an undercurrent of humor. "There are normally a couple formalities before she takes his name but I'm beginning to see how those don't necessarily apply with us. No one pays taxes or has medical insurance anymore." He stated the last sentence as if he was merely thinking out loud.

I didn't know what taxes or medical insurance were but they sounded irrelevant. "Can you tell me what the formalities were?"

It was obvious he was contemplating how to order his words. "Ordinarily one person officially asked the other to spend the rest of their life with them. If that person agreed, then they would go through a ceremony. If there were any name changes, they usually took place after the ceremony."

I thought for a moment. "You already know I've pledged to love you for the rest of my existence. I feel this," I wrapped my arms around him to indicate the bond between us. "I know it with all that I am. I am yours and trust when you told me you were mine."

"This is true." He was enjoying something about the conversation that was escaping me.

"Then, how do we go through that ceremony so I can start using my name?" I asked barely able to restrain my excitement. I was only slightly disappointed to have to wait to become who I knew I already was.

Ian laughed loudly. He shook his head as he slowly sat up to face me. Even when I woke up in my new body he wasn't smiling this way. I couldn't take my eyes off of his. He reached out to take my hands in his. "You're correct. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love another. We _have_ already promised each other forever and I meant every word."

"I did too," I interrupted.

He smiled even wider. "That's why, if it makes you happy, I would be extremely honored to give you my name. I love you, my Elysia O'Shea, now and my forever." Hearing my name in his deep tenor voice confirmed how much I loved it.

He raised my left hand to his lips, closed his eyes, and gently kissed my fourth finger.

His tenderness overwhelmed me. Happiness felt like it enveloped me. I leaned in to kiss him and whispered before our lips met, "You have all my love for all my life." His hand slipped under my hair to wrap around the back of my neck as he kissed me back tenderly.

"Was that the ceremony?" I asked when he eventually pulled his lips away long enough to wrap me into his arms and pull me back down onto his chest. Something about his words had felt more formal and weighted than usual. He kissing my fourth finger had felt more significant than the simple action.

"Yep. Like I said, it really was only a formality."

My tenth life, my blissful heaven, began in a cave in the middle of the desert and I was certain there wasn't anywhere in all the galaxies I'd rather be. It wasn't the cave itself but it was the people inside that were my home. 


End file.
